Just this thing that seasons do
by mingling moogle
Summary: Through January to December: the year Rael and Alexi figure it all out. Being together since they were four has done little for their understanding of each other…


**January**

"_Looks like you're in for a tough trip, keep on truckin'!"_ Hannes had told Alexi when he and Rael had arrived at his house, which likely would have been taken as a friendly encouragement had it been directed towards anyone else. Unfortunately for Hannes, Alexi is a master in nit-picking and suspicion, so when he had suggested that the boy "keep on truckin'" in that blissfully unaware yet ultimately well-meaning way of his, Alexi had already decided that the hand patting his back might as well have been slapping his face.

Alexi folds his arms tightly and huffs. "I've heard enough out of you, anyway!" he retorts, head tilted to the side and eyes shut in an attempt to refocus his thoughts and to block all Hannes-related-images from his mind.

_This trip is for studying,_ he reminds himself, though his confidence in this isn't absolute. Anyway, what he does know is that he didn't come here to practice defending his linguistic abilities against people who don't know when to keep their mouths shut, and he certainly didn't come here to stab Hannes with a fork.

He doesn't know why the first object he thinks of to injure Hannes with is a fork, but he assumes that this probably reflects better on him than, say, a machine gun. Hannes would survive a couple of jabs from a fork, definitely. Not so sure about the machine gun. He's not_ that_ awful.

Suddenly, Rael gasps and rushes over to the spare bedroom's window, dropping his luggage in the process. He traces his finger over a peacock-patterned curtain which is swaying lightly in the winter breeze, staring at it with such fondness and contempt as to be unnatural for your average teenage boy.

"This embroidery is so beautiful," he says, and Alexi doesn't doubt he means every word.

Rael, he concludes. He's here because of Rael.

**February**

"That's just how it is," Rael says, hands clutching his knees and eyes half-lidded from the fatigue he must be aware comes with acting as a supplier for two people at once. "If Elias is okay with it, I have to let him charge off me."

Rael looks at Alexi with a hesitant expression, like he's existing in the calm before the storm and he expects the sea to get rough any minute now. It's a look that makes Alexi want to pull him in and push him away simultaneously. There's no need for him to be tentative. Alexi's not as fussy as he used to be. It's an emergency, he gets it, and he informs Rael so.

He _does _get it.

He gets that Elias has a big performance coming up, and that Keel's accident could shatter all his work to pieces if Rael doesn't help him. Elias is a good person. He doesn't deserve to be left alone again. This doesn't stop Alexi from drowning his protests in his still-steaming hot chocolate.

He gets that he's selfish.

"Now I can go back to giving to you as usual. No need to make sure I'm saving anything," Rael says after Keel wakes up and the doctors decide he's well enough to charge with Elias again. He loosens his tie and places a hand on the kitchen counter next to Alexi.

"Yeah, that'll be good," Alexi replies, and Rael trains his tired gaze on him, not bothering to hide the relieved smirk on his face. Smooth as silk, he leans in so that his mouth is mere centimetres away from Alexi's.

"What's it like having me all to yourself again?"

_Better than Floran's homemade gingerbread, _he wants to say. Instead, he blinks furiously and straightens his spine. "You dope…"

**March**

As Rael crouches down to look at the flowers in the courtyard, Alexi welcomes spring.

"Those are called miniature snowflakes," he says, nodding towards the white, delicate-looking specimens that Rael is currently gleaming at. "Well, their real name is philadelphus, but I'm not really into flowers."

"I'd love to take a few home…" Rael's pause and narrowed eyes are slightly suspicious, and for a moment Alexi fears he's going to whip out a pair of scissors and gather up all he can to put in some vase. Fortunately for the flowers and his reputation as reliable garden carer, Rael diverts his attention from the flowerbed in favour of gazing over at the bench where the Prince had just recently declared his love to his partner, Mireille: the seemingly kind girl he'd known for the duration of about five minutes.

"_Not only did they make up, but she got a real confession of love!"_ Rael had said, full of awe.

But a love confession? This isn't something they're going to be seeing a lot, Alexi is certain. In this country, the sword is most definitely mightier than the pen, if the blade represents action.

To prove this theory, Alexi scoops up a handful of miniature snowflakes and offers them to Rael, who receives them happily.

_They will wilt soon, inside or outside,_ Alexi supposes. _Rael might as well enjoy them while they're blooming. _

**April**

When Rael comes home, he's drenched.

His hair is plastered to his forehead and his coat – possessing no visible waterproof abilities – seems to pull down on his shoulders with all the water its absorbed from the rain.

He sneezes in the doorway. Alexi would be lying if he said he hadn't observed the action with some level of affection.

He watches as Rael sniffs and shrugs off his coat for a suspended moment before it dawns on him that he's not being very helpful. Promptly, he moves away from the door to let Rael in.

"Thanks," Rael says as Alexi takes his satchel from him and places it on the counter. It's surprisingly heavy, probably due to his array of language textbooks. Alexi feels bad that he's had to lug it all the way from the humanities department on the far side of campus to their dorm room.

"Sorry you had to let me in. I always take my key, I don't know why I didn't…" Rael trails off quietly. Alexi finds it astounding that he can be so confused.

"You're sick," he answers, though the question was never posed out loud. "No one can be on top form all the time."

Rael sighs and drops onto the couch. He curls into himself, clutching a cushion. "I guess this weather doesn't help. I keep shivering."

Alexi grabs a clean kitchen towel from the rack and walks up behind Rael, who tilts his head back to blink at him. Surprising both of them, he begins to dry Rael's hair with the towel in slightly rough, circular motions.

Though he feels dumb doing it, Rael relaxing into his touch makes his heart hot.

**May **

They visit Floran and Gil on Alexi's birthday.

The weather is mild – mostly overcast with streaks of sun shining through – so they sit in the garden, spread out on a picnic blanket.

The present-opening process had occurred earlier in the day. He had received various biology books, equipment and clothes from Gil and Floran (practical things; he was pleasantly surprised) and Rael had distributed him with a large number of 'free kiss' vouchers. Alexi had had nothing to say to that.

(In Rael's defence, he had also promised him a trip to the botanical gardens in the near future. Alexi is more excited about this than he plans on telling anyone.)

They're all sitting around this year's 'piece of Heaven', as Rael likes to call Floran's annual homemade birthday cake. It's a fluffy sponge concoction with blueberries and raspberries and Alexi and Rael are looking at it with an unmistakable hunger in their eyes.

"Well, make a wish and dig in, Alexi!" Floran's voice tempts.

Alexi wants to call him impatient, but he knows he's just as bad. He hesitates only because his family making a double-layer cake for his birthday seems like an event he should savour.

He feels… wanted.

Rael is nudging him to get a move on and Alexi finally gives in. He closes his eyes and blows out the candles in one deep breath; quite proud of the swiftness of the motion.

_Please,_ he wishes, _let these people stay close to me. _

**June**

Alexi's mum sends him a letter on the first day of summer, and he receives it on the fourth.

The envelope is covered in a fluid ink-drawn scene of a forest footpath winding around evergreen monkey puzzles and pine trees. For a moment, Alexi is stunned by the intricacy of the design, but then he realizes that the picture has been printed and has a logo on the bottom left corner.

So she's _not_ an artistic genius…

A strange sensation of relief washes over him. It doesn't really make sense; he can't expect to know every hobby and detail of his mother's life, especially after being parted from her for so long. He's aware of some articles – how she works as a chef like Floran, and how he can trust her when it comes to picking safe mushrooms to eat – but he doesn't know who she hangs around with, what books she reads or whether she prefers cinema to theatre, and he feels he should know if she can draw.

Slightly pensive, he opens the envelope with care as to preserve the image on the outside. His mother's handwriting is clear and bold. It's strikingly similar to his.

_Dear Alexi, _

_I wonder how you've been doing recently with the move to university. Floran hasn't told me much apart from the fact that you're living in a dorm with your partner and you're majoring in Plant Science. You can make a lot of interesting food with plants, you know. You should try it. _

_Anyway, I haven't forgotten what I said when I saw you off. I still plan to visit you. It's summer now, which means things are rather hectic at the restaurant and I can't afford to make a trip out of the country, but I want you to remember…_

_You are loved, Alexi. By me and Floran, of course, and if your partner is anything like Gil, which I have been assured he is, you are loved by him, too. I am so thankful that my prayers have been effective. _

_Life in your country seems so foreign and strange to me sometimes with your system of supplying and receiving power, but then again, I guess I'm an outsider, eh? If you don't mind me saying this, being a receiver sounds a little troublesome to me, but with your dad, Gil and Rael looking out for you, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. _

_Goodbye for now,_

_Ilse_

Alexi comes back to the letter many times over the course of the day.

**July**

Alexi drives a motorcycle for three main reasons: one, the 'cage-like' vibe one often associates with travelling by car doesn't apply when you can feel the breeze in your hair and the sun on your skin; two, they're great for when persistent thoughts become too much and you have to get out there to clear some headspace; and three, when Alexi gives Rael a lift, the boy is pretty much forced to cling around his waist to avoid falling onto the road.

This is a level of intimacy Alexi has only surpassed with his partner through charging.

Currently, Alexi is enjoying all three assets his motorcycle provides him with. He can feel Rael's arms practically stapled to his jacket – he's scared; Alexi had been too, at first – and it is a good feeling.

Being the one keeping Rael secure and upright is a good feeling.

Putting aside the physical contact, Alexi knows that other receivers don't get as _attached _to their partners as he has. The tingly feeling he gets at the top of his head that transcends down his spine when Rael is around him like this isn't something other receivers experience, at least outside of charging.

In fact, the sensation Alexi feels when charging with Rael, he has inferred from many hours of aimless driving, is somehow interlinked with this feeling of simply being in Rael's presence. The only difference between the two that he can put his finger on is that the former gives him energy, while the latter puts him in a kind of 'dizzyingly calm' state. Like a trance.

(Ilse is right to think that being a receiver is troublesome...)

"We're nearly there, right? We're going so fast!" Rael shouts over the sounds of cars and Alexi's own bike. _His eyes are probably closed to avoid motion sickness_, Alexi thinks.

"We're going no faster than the speed limit," he replies, but he makes sure to slow down.

This trance has got him good.

**August **

He doesn't notice it at first.

How Elias has learnt his partner's timetable in such detail that you could ask, "Ten thirty on a Saturday morning?" and with no hesitation at all, he would reply, "Out at the market. He'll be back in fifteen minutes."

How the reason Keel is constantly yawning and nodding off during experiments isn't due to excessive night time studying, but rather having to adjust to waking up at some ungodly hour each morning to charge Elias for his singing lessons.

How the two of them aren't a perfect puzzle-piece fit, (quite the opposite, really) but how they manage to make their partnership work through an equal contribution of both stubbornness and compromise, along with a fear of being left alone to rot that makes separation an inconceivable concept.

_That makes them just like me and Rael,_ Alexi thinks, head propped up on an elbow.

They're at a café – the new-ish one with fish tanks surrounding every other table and ambient music that Rael has been wanting to visit for a while now – chatting with Elias and Keel about what they're doing in the summer holidays. Suffice to say, Rael is doing most of his chatting for him. This wouldn't be anything new if his answers weren't so quick or… sharp.

"We're planning on spending a week at the lake, since my aunt has a lodge down there," Keel informs them, glancing at Elias who seems to have a permanent smile etched onto his face.

"Yeah!" the kid replies, though despite not being able to touch the floor while sitting on his chair and so just kind of senselessly swinging his legs, he's not really a kid. There's something about his disposition and general outlook on life that makes him overly weary and incredulous. Alexi knows what that's like, and so he ignores the feet kicking his legs under the table every couple of minutes.

"What are you going to do, Alexi?" Elias asks him. "I mean, Rael said he was going to visit his mum and dad for a couple of days, but you're going with him, right? I'd hate it if Keel suddenly left and I was just stuck here…"

(Keel rubs his shoulder gently, as if to say "I'm not going anywhere.")

"He's coming back with me," Rael answers before Alexi can get a word out. "We're going to see Gil and Floran, too, before we go back to our dorm. I'd feel guilty if he had to endure my mum's fawning for nothing."

His laugh comes a second too late and lasts a moment too long to sound genuine. Alexi frowns.

**September**

"Affeto?"

"Affection."

"Di avere sentimenti per?"

"To have feeling for."

"Tenere molto a… Sorry. I'm not very good at pronouncing these."

"To care deeply about." Rael smiles. "Don't worry about the pronunciation. I'm the one who needs to learn this stuff."

"I guess so." Alexi shrugs before reading the next Italian phrase from the list he has been given. "Ti amo."

"Ah, that one's easy!" Rael spins round from his desk to look straight at Alexi. "I love you."

Alexi knows what ti amo means; it's basic knowledge, like how red and white make pink and how there are three hundred and sixty six days in a leap year. But Alexi hadn't particularly wanted Rael to tell him that there are three hundred and sixty six days in a leap year. He doesn't doubt the truth in that specific statement.

What he'd wanted Rael to say was 'I love you', which he had done, and now Alexi doesn't know what he wants to happen next or what the appropriate follow up would be. Rael is still looking at him, tapping his knee with a pen. He's probably waiting for another phrase.

(Alexi knows what he can't have.)

"A cadere per," he reads, voice as level as he can make it.

"To fall for."

"Seriously?" Alexi is sure his pupils are dilated as far as they can go. These phrases seem to have no purpose on this slightly-colder-than-average evening other than to confuse and exasperate Alexi. "Every single… why are they all romantic? It feels weird saying all this stuff, even if it's in Italian."

Rael laughs. It's almost a laugh Alexi has heard countless times before, but not quite the same. There's a difference. Alexi is too flustered to decide if this difference is positive.

"They're all from the relationships module. It's mostly revision. I wanted to know if I was up to speed with my vocabulary."

"Oh…" Alexi falters. "Well, you're doing fine."

They finish off the list and Rael practices writing out the phrases a few times. He stretches, states that Italian really isn't his forte and then shuffles off to bed. Alexi stays seated on the couch and stares at a book long after he grows tired and the pages lose their meaning.

All he knows is that he wants Rael to say 'I love you' again and he wants him to feel it and he is certain – his cerebrum, cerebellum and brain stem are in unanimous agreement that this can never happen.

**October**

_These, _Alexi thinks,hand hovering over agroup of off-white mushrooms with small round caps. _I think I'll avoid these. _

Ilse has taught him about this particular type of mushroom. From a distance, they are easily mistakable for Lepiota, (though of course, Lepiota don't grow in this country) but when you observe closely you can see that they are actually a fatal breed, most commonly known as 'destroying angels.'

He always makes sure to ask his teachers if the plants he finds in the forest are edible before he blends them into a soup or something. After all, death by poisonous mushroom would be a truly stupid way to go.

Suddenly, Alexi hears crunching behind him and a pair of arms circle his shoulders. "Don't pick anything that could kill you or me, okay? I'm trusting you here."

Alexi doesn't have to turn round to know that the arms and voice belong to Rael. His playful tone alone is enough for Alexi to be able to distinguish him from a crowd, and there's no crowd to distinguish him from in the middle of the forest anyway. They're alone here.

Alexi's head is dizzyingly light, but his knees are beginning to feel the strain from being leant on for so long and so he stands to face Rael.

"You don't look very well," Rael tells him, and before Alexi can shrug and insist that he's fine (he is; the dizzy feeling is nothing new) there are lips on his and fingers in his hair and energy is coursing through his veins.

There's an _'mm'_ that definitely doesn't come from one of his woodland friends in the forest, but Alexi has no clue if it's an utterance of his or Rael's. It turns out that as Rael strokes down his arm with a nail that stops only to circle his wrist, he doesn't really care.

It feels like Rael's given Alexi a week's supply of power when they finally pull apart. Usually at this point, after charging, they would continue with what they'd been doing before or wave goodbye to each other for the day, but now they do nothing but catch their breath and _stare. _

"Alexi?" Rael breaks the silence after many long, silent moments. He doesn't wait for a reply before continuing. "Am I just a big battery to you?"

Alexi is stunned. The trance has vanished. He's left rooted to the ground with no breeze to push him along. _What could have possibly brought this on? _

He finds himself thinking back to when they were children and they still wore knee breeches and bows round their necks. He remembers Rael shouting the very same thing at him during the argument that had shattered their relationship and provided them with a new, stronger, _better_ one. One that means they spend time together and are always there for each other.

"_I'm just a big battery, right?" _Rael had said then, and now he's saying it again. He says it in a more controlled voice than he had used years ago, sure, but it's just as scary and painful to hear, and Alexi just doesn't get it because _they've been through this already._

He panics.

"Why do you even have to _ask _me that after so long? We're partners – we show how feel about each other every day! Gil and Floran talk about it all the time, how much you mean to me, what other confirmation do you need? We're not like Mireille and the Prince…" He looks away.

"We could be," Rael says quietly, so quietly that Alexi hardly hears him, and then he's gone.

**November**

They can't avoid each other, not really. Partners never can. They've all been born into such a dysfunctional country where their lives become intertwined from the age of just three or four. From then on, they have to know each other's schedules, endure each other's illnesses when there are no temporary partners available, learn to fit in with each other's families and meet up to kiss at least once a day, no matter how many people are around or how they might feel about each other at the time.

Despite all of this, Rael is doing a pretty good job of avoiding Alexi.

He doesn't eat with him or take trips into town with him; he doesn't let him help him with his course work; he refuses every time Alexi offers him a lift and, after they charge; he leaves as swiftly as if he'd never been there at all.

At the moment, they're not even charging, and it's_ unbearable. _Alexi has found an available supplier at the clinic whose partner has a cold, but it's not the same. Not even similar.

He's looking down at the tennis courts below him without really looking at all when someone starts hammering at his door. He doesn't answer it or say anything – he knows it's not Rael because Rael always takes a key, always – but he's left it unlocked and so when he hears the handle turn and footsteps growing increasingly louder as they move towards him, he's not especially phased.

"Alexi, I don't know what the situation is with you and Rael right now, but he's my friend, and if you want to avoid a severe whack to the head you will move your stubborn little butt to my hotel room this instant! Jesus, as soon as my school breaks up for the holidays I take the first train over here to see you guys and the sight that greets me is Rael collapsed on the floor because _someone_ hasn't been charging with him since last week! I can't believe he's done this again…"

_Hannes? _

No, it doesn't matter that Hannes is in his dorm room. It's what's brought him here. It's_ Rael._

He's on his bike before Hannes can take a step out of the room.

In this country, marriage is not practiced. Alexi has known this for a long, long time, and it has never mattered to him. If marriage were to be practiced, there would be no way of keeping the superficial relationship drivel/nonsense/rubbish/whatever you want to call it away from what's truly important.

Whoever the doctors decide is going to connect to your wavelength the best is worked out when you're a child, and from then on your partner is the single most significant person in your life. When Hannes had first visited, Alexi had told him this, told him that it would be stupid to complicate their relationships worse than they already are.

Told him that, although same sex pairs get put together often enough, they're still definitely the minority, and that sometimes, it can feel like some cruel joke played by God.

What a lie that had been…

He's starting to get it, he realises, as the bastard lorry driver in front of him refuses to move and his heart beats out of his chest. He's starting to understand what Rael has been so clearly hinting at for all these months he's remained oblivious. His relationship with Rael isn't superficial. They're partners, which makes them vital to each other's health, but they could have been more than that – so much more. They could have been _together._

He's been so stupid – living by the philosophy that the pen is dependent on the power of the sword to back it up. He hadn't known that, without the pen, the sword has little motivation to do anything at all. How could he have expected their relationship to progress when he's never even said a word?

He arrives at Hannes' hotel room cold and numb, but this hardly registers. Hannes points at where he'd set Rael down before running over to their dorm (he'd had no phone, there'd been no number; he couldn't have called). Alexi's steps are quick but nervous.

Somehow, Rael is conscious and sitting upright in the bed, and Alexi is too happy to see him to question it.

"Have I ruined everything? I couldn't– I just– you mean everything to me." He winces. It had come out before it could be tweaked and modified in his head. It ends up sounding too raw.

"Well, all this energy is killing me, so just hurry up and kiss me and then I'll weigh up who's responsible for ruining what. Don't get me wrong, a large part of this is on you."

Alexi doesn't miss a beat. He sends every colour he possesses along his wavelength as he kisses Rael. Green for the envy that stirs within him when Rael transfers power with someone else, blue for how thankful he is to have a partner who's so perfect and forgiving, red for the constant longing, adoration and desire he'll never stop feeling for him.

"Thank you," Rael breathes after Alexi kisses his cheek and his head stops pounding. "For telling me."

**December **

They ring in the New Year by watching the annual countdown fireworks.

They're even more vibrant and brilliant than they'd been the year before, and to Alexi, it's no mystery why. Some are green like his envy, envy that seems so small and irrelevant now that he can flick it away and it won't return for weeks. Some are blue like his thanks, which has grown even larger, if humanly possible.

And some are red.

He watches Rael, who's smiling up at the display, huddled in an overcoat and scarf, and Alexi would stutter – not lie, just stutter and likely duck his head – if someone were to ask him whether he thought his partner looked adorable.

_Yes,_ he is certain that the red fireworks will stay with him for a good while, and that they will remind him of that cold, damp day in November when he had been shocked out of his blindness and finally learnt to stop being 'so damn ornery', as Hannes had put it.

"I'm so glad you guys decided to stop dancing around each other," Hannes says now. Alexi would turn his head and make some smart remark but, hey, even if he doesn't realise it, the guy's done more for Alexi's relationship with Rael than he'll probably ever know, and with all the colours glowing in the sky right now, Alexi just doesn't have the heart to feel annoyance.

He reaches out for Rael's gloved hand, which grips his tightly.

Tonight, he is bold as love.

* * *

><p>The title comes from John Mayer's song, 'Wheel' and the ending line is taken from the title of Jimi hendrix's song, 'Bold As Love.' Thank you for reading :)<p> 


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